Every divorce has its own reasons and rhythms, but in the end they’re all headed to the same resolution: the marriage is dissolved and each partner goes their own separate way. In light of this, many people want to move ahead and forward, even in the midst of divorce proceedings. For some, this means starting to date other people. But is that a good idea?
The question may seem like a legal one, but like so many other issues in divorce, the more important answer may skew towards the emotional impact of doing so. Even in a no-fault state like Pennsylvania, where dating is unlikely to make a significant difference on the legal issues that need to be resolved, dating outside of the marriage is likely to have a “poking the bear” effect that will exacerbate and add unnecessary drama to every other issue that you’re confronting.
There are numerous factors that need to be evaluated before deciding to go out on a date. The most obvious ones have to do with minor children and finances. With reference to kids, you need to address whether going out on a date will interfere with your time spent with your children under any existing custody schedule, or whether trying to adjust your schedule to accommodate a date will be used against you. Your soon-to-be-ex may have an objection to the idea of introducing young kids to a new partner, or to having somebody new stay overnight. Though the courts are unlikely to step in unless the new love interest is abusive or is in some other way a safety concern to the children or to either parent, dating will probably complicate your child custody negotiations.
The other issue that dating might have an impact on is equitable distribution, as it is entirely within your ex’s rights to question whether marital funds are being spent on wining and dining a new partner. If your split is going fairly well and both parties are eager to get it over with this is unlikely to create an issue. But if you are fighting over every nickel and dime or your spouse is feeling abandoned and replaced, you can be certain that pulling money out of a marital account to take a new interest away for a spa weekend is not going to sit well, and may even lead to a time-consuming discovery process or correspondence demanding that you reimburse however much you spent on the other person.
Dating during your divorce proceedings may be absolutely fine if you and your ex have already physically and legally separated, have an established child custody arrangement and have established separate bank accounts for your individual expenses. But if you’re still sharing the marital home or are in the midst of delicate, adversarial negotiations, you may want to think twice as to whether it’s worth the animosity and aggravation that it will inspire.
For more information on pursuing a divorce in Pennsylvania, contact our compassionate divorce attorneys to set up a time to meet.